six word autobiography: “fuck goddamnit i fucked up so bad”
guys i specifically made that sentence seven words long so someone could comment “but thats seven words” and i could say “fuck i did it again i fucked up” so we could all have a good laugh but no one said it. yall fucked up. i fucked up because i assumed yall wouldnt fuck up. everythings fucked up
Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first scientist says “I’ll have a glass of H2O”
The second scientist says “Who comes into a fucking bar for a drink of water? I’ll have a beer.”
Apparently you can’t have problems if you’re not a starving African child.
Apparently you can’t have problems if your parents are still together.
Apparently you can’t have problems if you’re a white girl
or if you’re a heterosexual male
Apparently you can’t have problems if you get good grades.
Apparently you can’t have problems unless someone else justifies them.
the best way to summarize sex education in america right now is that most teenage boys think the hymen makes a popping sound when penetrated and most teenage girls don’t know what a hymen is
that one person you never really talk to but you reblog the shit outta each other
the academy award goes to me for acting like i give a fuck
nothings worse than passing up an opportunity you know you would’ve enjoyed because of the fear of being judged
STORY IDEA: YOUR DOOR BELL RINGS AND ITS A PERSON FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE “I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE BOOK CHARACTER AND I KNOW HOW IT ENDS AND I WANNA CHANGE IT”
WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME
One 12 hour van ride and a new time zone later.
All I want to do is eat and sleep.